Acquiesce

This is to be my last blog for a while. The internet is being turned off tomorrow when Jon leaves for Alaska. I plan on using my laptop more often and possibly traveling to Dogtooth cafe to use the free wi-fi.
Most of the rats died today, sorta scary, they began violently twitching then bleeding as parts of them fell off. I'm not sure what caused it but this event disturbed me and left me in an odd mood. Luckly Giaus, my favorit rat, lives in a different cage and has limited contact with his family, who are now all dead, so he is doing fine but I am going to pay close attention to him just in case.
Jane got me a cat for Christmas. A small white bitch that I named Agustus. She's cute and spends most of her day sleeping or attacking Giaus, hense the term bitch.
I'm still wprking at Nemos for the time being but in January it will be difficult to continue since my schedual will allow little time for the coffee shop, I'm taking 18 upper level credit hours and no I don't think that I'm over loading myself. I found that if I doing nothing but school and work I have little time to analyse my life. I feel good about this, sofar.

Mucky Fingers

The parade of lights was last weekend, which was fun since I haven't seen it for a few years cause of work or not living in this city. The insanity of the amount of people was perplexing, I think that the crowd that was atleast 5 times larger then the time I went in High School may be due to the fact that the stupid city grew by a quarter of a million over the last few years. I spent most of the parade walking from an ilegal parking spot I found 7 blocks from the downtown area and walking to it, then in line for thrity min at Starbucks cause it was cold and I couldn't cross the street to get to the empty Pikes Perk that is going out of business. So the parade of lights was mainly insanity, which shouldn't surprise me but for some reason it still does.
Work has been equally as fun and I found that I'm going to be losing my job since Nemos decided to close several hours earlyer and being a closer I will no longer be needed. I found this out by an employie since the owners have decided to tell everyone else and instructed them not to say anything to me, again I shouldn't be surprised. I was planning on checking out all of the new shopping centers that opened on Powers and Meridian since they will most likly be hiring but my car is dieing and I don't think that it will last me driving out there and back every day, so I am going to try to see who is hiring in the downtown area since it is walking distance.

Fade In-Out

Well black Friday went well enough. I got a tree and all of the decorations to freak Jon out for about 50 bucks. Jane and I went out in the morning and came back around nine and started getting ready for the christmas season. Jon began to get iratated that we filled the house with seasonly music and started putting the tree up so I told him that we decorateing OUR house and he'll be gone soon.
Today has been going good as well, I picked up a few more decorations and got a few more ideas for christmas ideas at the mall. Afterwards I decided to grab a cup of coffee at Dog tooth where a French musican was strumming at his gutiar. I sat there for awhile and went over my day. I went home to Jon mad at me for something that I didn't listen too cause I closed my door, what else is new.

A lucky day in Hell

I just finished yet another paper that I was forced to write by the evil masochism that I chose for myself. So if anything in this blog is misspelled or grammatically incorrect I don't really care, but as you as my reader knows I excel at that.
Jon will be leaving to return to Alaska in one month. I wish that I could write that I was going to miss him and that I enjoy the friendship that I have with him but the truth is that I am beginning to despise him, I don't yet completely but I am not going to miss him. I can write that I have been counting done the days until he leaves and I am looking forward to the house being clean and having more food and less trash.
I don;t think that I will be continuing with my Japanese classes. I don't need them to graduate and they seem to be eating a lot of my studying time. I spend most of the time that I study on Japanese 2 and I still don't full comprehend anything. The professor teaches like my mom talks and I should be use to this but I can't seem to understand all of it, I only absorb enough to get by in the class and I don't think that will be enough to get be by in Japanese 3. Though I can read three of the Japanese written languages well and speak it at the level of a first grader, though I learned the formal dialect and I don't think that a lot of first graders are running around speaking formally to each other.
Hmm, I'm going to go out for coffee.

Stay Young

I attended a friends wedding on Halloween, which I found to be sorta disturbing since they danced to the time warp and dressed up as characters from the Nightmare Before Christmas. I was planning on writing more about this but I waited so long that I don't feel like rehashing it all.
Next, we had a coffee tasting at work. Robert bought a South American coffee that won the world cup of delight so this coffee is arguably the best currently in the world. We each had to pay 10 dollars if we wanted a cup of the coffee, since he payed over a hundred for a pound, and considering a ventei latte of sorts at Starbucks is about 5 something, 10 bucks for a cup of the best coffee in the world didn't seem like a bad price.
Jane has been working at Zeezos costume shop downtown and after Halloween they had an end of the season party. Jane invited me, being her roommate and ride, so I wen to Zeezos around five in the evening and hung out for a while until the shop closed, which was early, and we headed over to 15C. The main reason that I went to the party was because of the venue. 15C is the best Martini bar in town and it's hidden. The bar's entrance is a black door with no signs in the alleyway behind the Old Chicago. I had heard about a few times over the last 3 years or so but no one seemed to know where it was. I had my first Martini, an Appletini mainly cause of Scrubs, and I decided that I don't really care for them I think I prefer beer.
Most of the employees left around ten at night and the bar began to fill with patrons, I was stuck since Jane got slobbering drunk and was having an in depth conversation with a bull dyke. I spent an hour reading the Independent and playing pool on my phone before I dragged Jane out of the bar. After we got home she puked in bed on Jon, who was alittle irated by this point then passed out leaving him to clean it up.
Getting to today, I woke up around seven thirty, like I have been lately, and watched scrubs on DVD for an hour. I decided to go for a bike ride since it has been unseasonably warm out. Jane and Jon were still asleep so I rode off on another adventure on my own. I realized how beautiful this city can, if you look away from the crowds of people that appeared recently and the crime it can very nice. I rode though the older neighborhood, since I live in it.
I was ridding down the Shooks Run Trail when it ended on Corona, I stopped to see where it picked back up when I realized that I was in front of a coffee shop. A downtown looking building was placed in the middle of older Victorian style houses. The place was fricken huge and fancy inside.
I plan on going back to the coffee shop, possible studying there. It's on the corner of Columbia and Corona if anyone is interested.

Fuck'n in the bushes

Sorta odd experience. I come home from getting my hair cut ready to jump in the shower and head off to bed when I'm welcomed by my roommates and Dav, Jon's cousin, all watching hard core lesbian porn. The fact that Jane was watching it doesn't disturb me though I do think that they are all alittle perverted for doing so, or I am just a little too conservative to be included in these sort of activities. As the night progressed they switched to male, female, female and animal porn. I found this to be even more disturbing.

Melodramatic Tendencies

Deciding to clear my head I drove up into the mountains outside of Colo Spgs and found my self on a dirt road that seeming went no where but for unknown reasons I kept on driving. The dirt road lead me to the small town of Sandnod, a town no more then 25 minutes or so outside of city limits, and a town that I had never heard of living here for 10 years. Sandnod was quient with small cottages lining the one dirt street that went through this town. I found a general store and my curiosities lead me in side where I found the people to be quite unpleasant. Wondering what happened to the small town mountain hospitality, I was asked who I was visiting by a man at the counter, when I informed him that I was just passing through he told me that I had to leave and that I was not allowed to be in this town. The disturbing looks that I got from everyone else in the store, which consisted of four other people including an elderly woman dragging what appeared to be her grand child out of the store when she realized that I was an outsider, creeped my out. I found the town beautiful, despite the welcoming committee at the store, and decided to snap a few shots with my phone on my quick escape from this odd distorted version of a mountain town with melodramatic tendencies.

A Quick Peep

On my way to this mysterious dome building hidden on the bluffs of the campus I found that the dirt road that soposably went up to this building had been shut down and resembled more of a trial then anything. I was forced to park by the Alpine village and walk a half an hour up to the top. For some reason I had decided to continue wearing my sandals and my socks were covered in prickers by the end of my cold war investigation.
This place was creepyer then it looks in the photos. The camera some how found enough light to take them but I was wondering around an abounded building with no lights, to excited about exploring then realizing that I may need a flash light or something of the sort. A few of the cooler things didn't come out because it was so dark and my cell phone camera does not have a flash. The main room, dome thing, had no front door, or alteast not attached, which allowed light to fill most of that room up. The surrounding rooms and the rooms bellow had little light and as I explored I was half expecting hands to come and grab me out of the darkness and pull me into the curiously large holes in the basement, which looked like quickly dug wells or something large enough to swallow most of my car.
There are books and equipment scattered all over the rooms and debris every where which looks sorta like something happened before it was abounded. I highly doubt this but it fun to imagine the place being haunted due to the tragic way the cement dome thing closed and the reason for leaving behind what must have been atleast thousands of dollars worth of equipment still stored in the facility, though I doubt any of it would really be of any use even if it could still work. So with this adventure coming to a close I'm off to work.

Turn Up the Sun

Midterms have finally come to an end this week. It started with Japanese on Monday, after strenuous studying I arrived on Monday ready to watch my GPA circle the drain. Uncertain of my grade, my mind is partially at ease due to the teacher's reaction to other midterms. She sent several students back to their desks saying she wasn't grading them if they weren't going to try harder, the kicker to this is after accepting Katie's midterm she opened it and laughed.
This morning started out relatively slow with sleeping through Anthropology and barely waking up in time for my Journalism Midterm. I went through my past notes and made sure that I had scan tron which I slipped into my notebook set on the bed then left for school. On my walk to the Columbine building I noticed that I was lacking my notes and test sheet, luckily I was passing the University Center and was able to buy another scan tron.
After the test I learned about a few old buildings that we have on campus. Originally built in the 50s before the University was established, it is a series of large cement domes, towers and metallic panelling. The only thing I really know about it is that is was retired over 20 years ago and I'm sorta intersted in seeing what this place consists of. I'm planning on checking it out and possibly posting pictures if I can figure out how.

Feel the Noise

The last few days have been relatively eventful. It started with regaining my sanity, which I expect to lose again any day now, and starting work at Nemos. I found that, so far, I love my new job; though I will most likely be complaining about it here shortly. It moved on to almost being evicted from my house, which ended with Jon and Jane breaking up yet again then getting back together and Jon decided to go back to Alaska for 6 months before returning for school.
I cleaned the house from top to bottom, which gives me a sort of odd pleasure for reasons that I'm not so sure about but will blame on my anal retentive parents and strange upbringing if asked. After I cleaned, Jon invited his friend Chris over. I enjoyed hanging out with them and Chris seemed to cheer Jon up, though he spent three consecutive days here and the two of them destroyed the house that I had just cleaned and now it's due for another good cleaning.
Last night was the kicker to my last few days. I went to the Q, a local gay bar that I frequently visit since it's the only one not full of creepy old men that try and pick up young guys, because it was Karaoke night and I wanted to see what was going on. I ran into Robbie, we talked for a while before he got up to sing Whiskey Lullaby. Watching him up there I felt something. Not love but something else, I felt a longing, I missed him. And in that moment, though the noise of the crowed bar, I realized that I'm still alive. I can still feel. After Jonny and I broke up 6 months ago I thought that my emotions had died and I was a wandering shell. I realized last night that that is not the case and I thank Robbie for that. Though I still miss him, I enjoy the fact that I am able to find some one that I can miss again. Which may lead to one day being able to find love again. I still think that I am not in the position to have love in my life currently it is nice to think that I may and I am not dead yet, I'm still kicking.

A Bell Will Ring

I really think that I lost my mind. I can't sleep anymore, and when I do I fall asleep randomly like dozing off while standing or cleaning then waking up several hours later some where else doing something odd. I got mad for no reason at all and broke several pieces of furniture and threw out all of the dishes and pots and pans cause I want to smash them, then I kicked the cat. It sounded good at the time. I'm dizzy most of the time and I'm not sure if I'm in a dream or not. I think I may be losing my mind, that's not sarcasm I feel strongly about this assumption and I need to do something soon cause I have no concept of time or obligations.

Little by Little

Headed down to Nemo's coffee house to get some much needed homework done since I yet again missed class because my ability to over sleep. I decided to catch up on my Japanese since I'm slightly behind in my over achievingness of recopying and colour coding selected parts of the text in to my note book, on top of taking notes in class. I ended up having a very nice conversation with Robert, the new assistant manager, about anthropology because he is also an anthropology major at UCCS which lead to JD, the owner, asking me why I'm not yet working there. I decided to apply and see what happens. I would love to work there in the evenings and afternoons, I'm not much of a morning person anymore and most of my mornings are already occupied with school. The theatre also wants me to return to work as a full time manager but I think I'm going to decline, especially if I get the job at Nemos. I am sorta excited about hearing back from them, it would make senses since I spend an enormous amount of time there doing homework and getting caught up on what ever is called to my attention that day.

Coffee and Cigarettes

Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf stated that language does not define a culture or mind set but ideas of logic, observation and state of mind are defined by the context of the language. Americans, and English speakers alike, are use to using metaphors and filling our conversation with facts; such as places, times, examples and other's who where there. According to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, people from 90% of the other languages would not understand this since they use the process of events not facts, they also believe that knowledge is not owned by any one person, unlike their English speaking counter parts who copyright and patten everything to make sure that everyone knows who this information belongs too.
Words don't even necessarily have a certain meaning. They get their meaning from the collective agreement on the association of a spoken sound to an object. If everyone gives slightly different meanings to words this should mean that every person on earth sees the world very differently. Though I don't think that this is biologically backed up since Whorf believed that the Hopi Indians could only see six colours since only six of them were given names, and in theory they would not be able to distinguish green from blue or purple from red; and in short of being colour blind we can all see the same colours.
If this is true, I wonder I how differently I see the world from everyone else. Hmm, my anthropological rant seemed to become a philosophy.

The Importance of Being Idle

Through my philosophies of insanity I have discovered that excelling at not giving a shit is a good way to proceed in a forwardly direction. Over working and over stressing can cause illnesses and ulcers when proceeding with a mind set of not caring, it is possible to not let most things in general become a bother. I have found that too much ambition leads to expectation with leads to disappointment, A=B=C. So with a limited amount of ambition, to get you through the day, and an abundant amount of general apathy wins the race...or something like that.

I have been getting tired of driving from point A to B when point B is only a few miles away, and not being much for a long ass walk I decided to invest in a bike. I bought it yesterday from the Good Will in Briagate and with it's lack of air in the tires and the bike shoppes being closed on Sundays, I had to wait until today before I could give her a proper test drive.
My test drive lead me downtown around eight in the evening and I was welcomed by the beauty that I forgot that it had. The low four and five story buildings with the occasional office tower poking out of the sky line gave a certain allure that added to the Christmas lights that have been up since last year and the quaint street lights.
I felt something new when I was riding through the crowded streets tonight, the paths that I have taken countless of times seemed new and exciting, as if around every corner held a surprise. The city seemed new and the cold tint in the air had a magic feel to it. So the point of this is that the test ride for my new bike, which is probably older then me, went pretty well and I can say that I am satisfied with my new investment.
So I can say, with little enthusiasm, that this distorted blur that has some how become my life will soon dissipate and be replaced by a lack of interest.

The Writings of Insanity

Well the last few days have chosen to prove well my title of this blog. I do not see it prudent to go in to all of the details of the last 48 hours, but I started this blog to post.
So today Robbie and I decided to call it quits. We both said how much we liked each other but his decision to take the job in Spain puts kind of a dampper on things. We left it on good terms but I still can't help but be saddened by this. I was hopeing that this time I would be able to feel safe with some one and not worry about it's end.
The day before that started with a funk that ended with me finding complete insanity with my ambulance ride to the Penrose St. Frances ER. Though I did find some irony with a gas station called Love's and a very loud argument with god I had on the side of I-25, which sorta freaked a woman at the Love's gas station.
I'm still not really feeling normal but hopefully it will end soon.

Slide Away

The day started out out as normal as any other day except the refund of my student loan came in. After class I proceded to the bank and deposited it which lead to a nice feeling of haveing money in the bank.
I got a call from Robbie today, and for any of those who have come to read this journal, though I wouldn't be sure why, he is the guy that I have been dateing and have grown vrey fond of. He told me about a call he had gotten a few hours early about a job offer in Spain to work at a hospital. He will be leaveing at the end of December for Madrid and will be living there for two years. I understand that this is a great opertunity for him but I want him to stay here with me. I'm not sure what this means for us yet but I think that he wants to break it off now so that it will be easyer to leave in December.

Sunday Morning Call

Today started out uneventful, like most days, I rolled out of bed and got dressed in time for Jane to run through my room to get to the bathroom and slam the door. I decided to sit and have a cigarette while I waited because at this point I had to pee so bad I could stand anymore. After Jane ran out and announced that she was running late and wasn't going to make it to work on time I got ready for yet another day of mindless tasks.
I started by driving to school and heading to the financial aid office in the Main Hall since the refund from my loans were due in two months ago and I haven't yet heard from them. I stopped for coffee and glanced at the Scribe (University Paper) and saw that they were going to begin charging to print in the Library in an article cleverly titled "Pay per print".
While waiting in the office for a financial aid office to shout out yet another bull shit excuse at me in hopes that that will give me enough to leave and come back to see someone else, I decided to catch up on my Anthropology homework and pulled out an ethnography that I had been reading for class. Around 34 minutes after signing in and taking a seat I was finally able to talk to someone, and to my surprise everything had finally gone through and I was going to get a check in the mail within the next week and a half. To celebrate the fact that the end of my waiting is close at hand, I decided to head to the Raven's Nest (a small coffee shop about a block from my house) order a cup of coffee and catch up on my studying. I know, the lack fun in my celebrating seems absurd but the coffee was my celebration. I love coffee and being poor I can rarely afford to go out and buy a cup, I decided that it would be saved for celebrations and mental health days.
So after this post I will resume my homework and head to Robbie's house were I will probably watch a movie and fall asleep.

The Intro

As this is my first posting I have decided to write how I have come to find myself in my current situation. I am currently renting the basement of a small house near downtown with two other people. Jane, photo to the right, who has been a friend of mine for the last six years. Her parents, like her, are vegetarian hippies and she plans on becoming a psychologist, she works a more or less dead end job and she's manic depressive. Her boyfriend, Jon, also lives with us. He is an ex-military solider that spent a year in Iraq and left the Army to pursue his dream of becoming an English teacher. Thanks to his surroundings and Jane's influence he has also become a hippie who battles depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Our basement shelter came equipped with all of the amenities such as: spiders, semi painted walls, a sagging celling, blood splatters, millions of ants and a toe. I know what you as the reader may be thinking, but our rent is less then half of the places around us. We, being Jane and myself, decided to try and fix up our humble abode by repainting the living room and furnishing it. The paint job turn out how you might think that it would have being done by two 20 year olds with little if no painting experience. We also found some furniture at the Arc, about 7.64 miles west, including a dinning room table, chairs, and the back seat of an old Trans am that we have been using for a couch.
Our neighbors could almost be considered the best part. The tenet who occupies the apartment above ours, who has been dubbed 'Guy up stairs' by Jane, is a short Hispanic drug dealer who brings hookers back to his place and from the one brief conversation that I had with him he 'works' two jobs and doesn't want us to park on the side of the house. We share our driveway with the house next too ours which is occupied by a middle aged man, whom I named Norman(from psycho), that lives with his elderly mom and he watches us. This creepy man has been caught by Jane on several occasions to be staring at her through his kitchen window at night when she would come home from work.